Damn the Bear-Muffs
by glitterdreamer95
Summary: In which the German brothers discuss ear muffs (much to Germany's dismay) during WWII, in the winter. America and England are also pulled into this. Oneshot.


**Hello, hope you enjoy this oneshot. It was created with the help of my best friend, Aubrey. This story was inspired by a picture I saw online, it showed German and Prussia in the cold and Prussia looked quite determined to put a pair of ear muffs on Germany. This was on Pinterest, and I don't know who the original artists is (but they did a great job!); if you wanted to see it for yourselves, the easiest way is to google 'Germany and Prussia aph earmuffs'. The picture should be one of the first results. Also, these accents are hard to write sometimes...and no disrespect was meant by writing them the way I did.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

"Prussia vhat are you doing? Put zose down right away. Zose are not ze proper attire for var; or vinter might I add." an irritated Germany scolded his older brother. They were trudging through knee deep snow, and it was really cold. Germany assumed that Russia's base would close. It had to be. How much of this frigid country would he have to trek to find it?

"Ugh...But vest they are so awesome, und you would look so cute in zem! Just like ze olden times," Prussia dangled the bear themed muffled in front of his brother eyes, a mischievous smirk aligning in his own eyes, "Besides, I hear Italy digs bear mufflers or bear muffs or vhatever zose stupid americans say….they're so unawesome."

Germany huffed and didn't respond as he quickened his pace to get in front of his brother. How could it still be snowing at this time of year? Suddenly, a weight jumped on Germany from behind, and something fluffy was shoved over his ears.

"Hm? NEIN! Gilbert! Vhat ze hell are you doing?!" Germany yelled at his brother, throwing him off and tossing the muffs back at him.

"Ahh vest you alvays take ze fun out of everthing. Can you not just wear them for a little while? For your awesome big brother? Prussia pouted a little, letting his eyes widened and lip push outwards. He even let the thinking of tears well in his eyes, you didn't become such an awesome big brother if you didn't know how to get your brother to listen to you, "Besides, your ears vere getting too pink from ze wind….Und also, Russia already took all of your unawesome soldiers due to his unawesome weather. You _know_ this vouldn't have happened if this had happened in my place. So, come on, let me spare your ears. Come on, let your big brother help you...for once. Cause you know….. I AM AWESOME!"

Germany looked at his brother for a while, before letting out a loud and heavy sigh. He didn't have the time to waste arguing with him, so be might as well get it over with.

"Shaiza," Germany cleared his throat and continued with, "Fine. Just ziz once zough….. und under no circumstances shall you tell Italy. Is zat clear?"

"Kesesesese but of course, vest, vhatever you say….." _Even zough I have my phone out, and I am taking many pictures of you in zhis embarrasing moment...oooh you look so unawesome, it's embarrasing! Now, vait until I show these to Italy, even though I know that you just said not to. But I am going to be zhe awesome big brother and do what is best for mein self anyway. Und, as I continue to leave notes for myself: CONTINUE BEING AWESOME. Zhat is all._

"Eh, Vhat? Vhas that the camera shutter zhat I heard? Hmm?" Germany stopped his trek once more looking back at his brother and instantly felt like smacking the camera from the others clutches. Prussia was rapidly snapping pictures of him, his usual laugh barely audible under his breath.

"No, Vest. Nein, nein, nein…..It vas but a….twig..breaking in zhe distance, I think I hear the allies coming. Quick! Ve must run away! MEIN AWESOMENESS CANNOT BE CONTAINED FOREVER!"

"Vhat?! Like hell ve're running! Zis is var, we do not run. Ve hide, und ve vait for ze opportunity to strike!...Dunkoff go off und hide already, ze footsteps are getting nearer." Germany scolded, watching Prussia scramble for a hiding spot, before he too slid behind a nearby tree.

"Heh, so there's this hot German chick who was like _really_ out of my league….came up to me with these two mugs of beer, and I literally was thinking like, 'oh my god! Do they really drink ones this big? Holy crap I could get used to this!' And she kinda gave me this, like, kind of wink. And swayed her hips a little bit and I really think we could have gone somewhere!" America's voice came rolling through the trees, as loud and boisterous as ever.

"Uuugggghhh…...You damn bloody wanker, how many times must I hear this story before you get your overly large ego over it?" England looked quite near the end of his rope, as the American repeated the beer story again. For the 30th time this week. God, when would he get over himself?

"But, dude, Britain! Come ooooooooonnnnnnn, she was a chick! A German chick! A _hot_ German chick! What else do I have to saaaayy?" America asked a smile on his lips, no doubt remembering "getting lucky" with a bloody bar maid. _I bet she wasn't even real, bloody insecure wanker…_

"Yep, that is it. I am now fully convinced I raised an idiot. Go Great Britain, good job ol' chap. Bravo." England went on, as tough having a conversation with oneself was completely normal. Yep, nothing out of the ordinary here.

"Heh, whatevs bro, you're just jealous cause I almost stuck it to it with a German chick. Aaaaaannd you didn't. Oh yeah, must have been the eyebrows. No girl in her right mind would _ever_ want to go somewhere with you." America continued to brag, oblivious if the mounting snow and the possible danger nearby. England rolled his eyes in his counterparts direction.

"Do you even hear what is coming from that overly large mouth of yours?! You were suppose to be a spy! You weren't supposed to give any information, or blow your cover, you bloody idiot. Now we have Germany on our arses!"

"Whatever, man, as long as I get the babes, that's all that matters."

"Uuuughhhh...Good show, old boy, good show. Bravo," England muttered to himself, the heavy amounts of sarcasm evident in his tone to anyone, aside from america, who was listening to the conversation. "Absolutely brilliant. Oh, just be thankful that Matthew didn't turn out this way….two of them, can you just imagine...God it'd be horrendous! I just don't think I'd be able to handle double." He rubbed his head in a tired manor, "Ooof….America you bloody wanker. And on top of that he sounds like a girl! I mean did you hear how he commented on my eyebrows? He sounded like a total girl! Heh, Alfred's a girl~~Alfred's a girl~~~Oooh bloody good England, I say you ought to try that around that half wit, America, sometime. And as long as I am making mental notes to myself, um, our tea crate's gone now. And, um, so we could always use more...eh. God bless the Queen and…... all the pounds belong to me: Great Britain. And America is still an idiot. Bubblish Twat. Why? What went wrong with him? Poor boy…"

Britain suddenly stopped in his tracks, looking up to see a tall, German blonde staring at him with icy blue eyes. Of course this was the perfect moment for America to go missing….

"G..Germany! Is that you? Why I barely recognized you with all that...em...snow on you." England started, looking for cover as he said this, and stopping as he noticed a pair of fluffy bear muffs on the German's head, "Are you wearing fluffy animal ear muffs? Why...that's….hilarious to put it frankly." The Englishman was finding it hard to hold back his laughter as he saw the scowl trace the German's face. Any threatening thing the German did was voided out by the fluffy white ear pieces. Germany let out a long sigh, hand pressing against his forehead.

"Nevermind ze earmuffs. You are my captive now, und you vill come vith me quickly and quietly."

"And why the hell would I do that?" England demanded, ruffling his feathers (if he indeed had any).

"Because you are surrounded, und it vould be unvise to run. Zhe forest is dangerous this time of night…."

"Keseseseses! My my, if it isn't the unawesome not-so 'Great Britian'. Come to face the awesome me again, hmm?"

"Prussia, get back in line. Zhis does not concern you und your foolishness."

"Vest, all matters (unawesome or not) concern me. Especially vith zhis one. He once told me that mein awesome silver hair was grey because I vas old! Imagine that, the Great and Awesome Prussia, old!"

"I will bloody well call you what I think suits you," England said indignantly, "Especially considering those horrid knights clothes you were fond of."

"Dude, you were a night? That's like...totally lamish. I'd rather be a hero, personally. None of that chivalry crap." America appeared out of a bush, somehow acquiring an unmelted container of vanilla ice cream, which he was shoveling in his mouth.

"America! this is serious, would you please stop eating?"

"I know, ice cream is intimidating, I'll set this aside to make feel better."

"America, you idiot….."

"Vhatever, just shut your unawesome pie hole already!" Prussia told the American, who was clearly not as awesome as was watching this whole conversation with a tick in his eye. It appeared as though he was deciding how to go about this whole thing.

"Ok, zhis is how we are going to do zhis," He started, eyeing everyone carefully, "You vill come quickly und quietly. No eating of ze ice creams, no loud shouting, und you vill hand over your veaponry at vonce!"

"Like hell I'm just going to hand over my awesome handguns. Walker and Texas Ranger are like, my best pals ever!" America started, "Besides, who would waste perfectly good ice cream? That's just uncalled for, good sir!"

"Und zhat is vhy everyone zinks you are fat." Prussia muttered under his breath. England used this time, as Prussia was leaning to tie his shoe and Germany was still glaring at America, to draw his gun and roll into the brush. He shot a couple warning shots, distracting the German brothers to allow America to roll into hiding as well.

"You really ought to know to tie a brit while you have the chance, because it will likely never happen again! I'm really quite clever you know…." England called in a mocking tone, the German brothers scrambled for cover, drawing their guns as well.

"Take that ya Commie bastards!"

"America this isn't Russia you are fighting, idiot! And aim your gun properly for Christ's sake! Stop waving it around like some Californian supermodel!"

"Whatevs, Britain, you're totally jealous of these badass babies!" America twirled them around his fingers, like he'd seen in all those western films. Yes, he looked like an idiot, a bad-ass-too-freakin-awesome-for-anyone idiot. That was good enough. Of course this action cost him time, in which Prussia's bullet grazed his shoulder.

"Ha! Suck it you loser! You should have known not to mess with zhe Great und Mighty Prussia!"

"Not when you're acting like such a fool…." Britain muttered under his breath, standing up just enough to fire a shot at Germany's hiding spot, a giant tree covered in snow.

"All hail the conquering hero!" America yelled, shooting his dual pistols as he changed hiding spots. All of his shots missed their targets, but he looked hella awesome doing it! Worth it!

"Oh bloody hell…." England brought his weapon against his shoulder. "If you want something done properly, then you have to do it yourself." He set his gun down, ducking low under the bushes. He dug around in his pocket, pulling out his pocket-travel sized spell book, _Righto! This should do the trick….let's see let's see...which one..ooooh a summoning one! This should do nicely!_ England reached down into his pool of magic reserves, concentrating hard on the spell at hand. "Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer. Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer! I summon you from the depths of hell! Show yourself!"

A sudden magic burst occurred, blinding the four countries for a moment, before disappearing and inbetwixt them all was Russia. Of course, this caused them all to instantly be scared out of their mind

"You called?"

"Nein! Go avay!" Prussia cried out.

"I wasn't calling you!" England sighed indignantly.

"No way dude!"America shouted, obviously not screaming like the scared little girl he obviously wasn't.

"Nein." Germany said in a calm, fast manor. This was his panicked voice.

Prussia, Germany, and America gave the Brit their combination of panicked looks.

"Britain, I lied totally don't believe in magic...but dude! What's he still doing here! Banish him or whatever…"

"What do you think I'm bloody trying to do?! Magic is not something that can just be _undone_ like some silly mistake in a puzzle! It takes art, concentration, and full mastery."

"You are having party without me, da?" Russia asked as the four countries shifted awkwardly.

"I wouldn't really call it a part since like Prussia was tryin ta kill me dude. But you're creepy, and we really wouldn't invite ya even if it was a party." America blabbed, causing a couple eyerolls.

"America shut up, will you? I am trying to concentrate here. Right then, Russia, never fear you shall be back to your home in no time."

"Buzz kill..." America muttered as Prussia as long mumbled, "kill joy." England shushed the complaining countries by muttering his favorite insult. He brought his hands and started to recite his returning spell. When the countries discovered that the spell didn't work at all, but actually made the situation worse, everyone except for Russia fled the area. Russia sighed with a disappointed pout, the familiar sound of wind and tundra surrounding him. He would be making the friends next time, he thought, next time for sure.


End file.
